I said in my previous post today that I might have a lot to blog about after our “urgent” leaders meeting at church. I won’t have a lot to blog about tomorrow because I’m going to do it tonight.
For some reason (okay, women’s intuition) I was freaking out on the way to church and once we got in the building. Then I started noting the behavior of some of the assistant pastors, their wives, the pastor’s wife, an elder, etc. None of it was registering as “you’ve got nothing to worry about.” We sang a few songs and I was really not in a good place. Our pastor walked out on the stage and all I could think was, “Nope, this ain’t good.” He started talking about how these things are never easy – and I got queasy. He said one of the assistant pastors had tendered his resignation due to an online affair. No sex had occured, but we all know you don’t have to have sex to have an affair.
Then the bottom fell out. Pastor Matt told us who it was and never in a million years would I have guessed nor was I prepared for the shock. He said it was the middle school youth pastor. Yep, my son’s youth pastor. The man my son nearly worships. The man my son has been able to create a bond with despite the fact our middle school department runs well over 200. It was all I could do to keep my composure. This is the second time this has happened since we’ve been attending there – the other guy wasn’t a youth pastor. Our pastor handles it “in the light” with no condemnation. Obviously, he condemns the act, but his goal is restoration to the body of Christ. Not restoration to ministry, though.
Pastor Matt was going on and on and on about stuff and I finally whispered (probably a little too loud) to Tyler, “What about the kids in the youth department? When are they going to tell us how they’re going to handle THAT????” God bless my husband, but I could tell he was genuinely concerned about my reaction. You see, the middle school pastor and the high school pastor have similar names. He thought Pastor Matt was talking about the high school pastor. I wanted to smack him. I said (again, too loudly), “NO! IT’S AUSTIN’S YOUTH PASTOR.” Thank the Lord there were about 1000 people in attendance and it wasn’t like I was too distracting. Or so I keep telling myself – lol.
I don’t really know how they’re going to handle telling the kids. Tyler and I are going to wait until tomorrow to tell Austin. We certainly needed to pray about it before we just blurted it out. And I won’t be teaching my class tomorrow night because Austin’s youth group meets at the same time as my class. Tyler and I are going to class with him. I guess we’re supposed to be getting a letter in the mail tomorrow that will explain how they’re going to handle it with the kids.
I’ll admit, the longer our pastor talked, the more bitter I became. There were a few people around me shaking their heads vehemently when Pastor Matt talked about forgiveness, grace, etc., but that trust will take a very long time to reestablish. I wanted to scream, “All you head shakers obviously don’t have CHILDREN affected by this! Keep your flippin’ head shaking to yourself!”
Then the youth pastor got up and spoke. He’s very sorry, very repentant and broken and I honestly believe he wasn’t putting on an act. But when it involves your kid, you tend to follow all of your good thoughts up with, “Oh yeah, and thanks for everything! I can’t WAIT to explain this to my son!”
So as we closed in prayer and with a song, I clung to Tyler and bawled. I feel so horrible for his wife and four children. I’m just sick to my stomach. I know we live in a fallen world and sin is always just around the corner, but tonight none of those pat Christian answers are making me feel any better. I guess we’ll just see what tomorrow holds. In the meantime, I’m going to bed!