The Misadventures of Cheri

Mortifying my kids one swimsuit at a time

I Don’t Like Pie

Bake at 350

I’ll say it again. I. don’t. like. pie.

Which I think came as a huge surprise/downer to my husband once I married him. Because if I don’t like pie, I’m not gonna make it. I’m a giver that way.

Fast forward 17 years to this past 4th of July. I was for some reason yet unknown to me, in a wad to do a bunch of cooking and baking. It was just going to be the four of us for the celebration, but I wanted to make it special nonetheless.

And then I remembered that I still had some frozen blueberries that I had picked last year. And had thawed them because I was going to do something else, but couldn’t find the stupid Clear Jel I needed anywhere around here. I guess it’s very popular with the Amish and there aren’t many Amish who could help me get my hands on it around here. *sigh* I did finally find some in Battleground and that’s almost Amish country at times. And thinking that in my head made me literally laugh out loud at myself at my wit and sarcasm. Wow, did you even want to hear any of this?? Moving on . . . . . .

I decided to make a blueberry pie, so I revved up the computer and went to my favorite recipe site of all time . . . . . . and I found this recipe:

Blueberry Pie

5 cups fresh blueberries
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 (15 ounce) package refrigerated pie crusts
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 tablespoons butter or margarine
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon sugar

1. SPRINKLE berries with lemon juice; set aside.

2. FIT half of pastry in a 9-inch pieplate according to package directions.

3. COMBINE 1 cup sugar and next 3 ingredients; add to berries, stirring well.

4. Pour into pastry shell, and dot with butter.

5. UNFOLD remaining pastry on a lightly floured surface; roll gently with rolling pin to remove creases in pastry.

6. Place pastry over filling; seal and crimp edges.

7. Cut slits in top of crust to allow steam to escape.

8. Brush top of pastry with beaten egg, and sprinkle with 1 teaspoon sugar BAKE at 400° for 35 minutes or until golden.

9. Cover edges with aluminum foil to prevent overbrowning, if necessary.

10. Serve with vanilla ice cream, if desired.

And it turned out cute, to boot (ignore the misshapen stars and the “gah she had no clue what she’s doing crust edge”):

This was the best blueberry pie I have ever had!! And I’m not just saying it because I slaved over the grocery store refrigerator to buy the pre-packaged crust. Everyone in my family went nuts for it. Of course, I think the real reason it turned out is because I got the blueberries from my friend Lisa’s parent’s blueberry farm last year. I just replenished my stock with their beautiful berries a couple of weeks ago!! If you live near me, I’ll let you in on where the stash is.

This is a new blog carnival that you can find all about here. See ya around!

Leave a comment »

WFMW: Another dumb thing . . . .**Revised**

**I revised this today for WFMW. Overall, I like Assets/Spanx and think everyone should have a pair – unless you’re uberskinny. And if you’re that skinny, shut up. **

A few months back I posted a blog about various dumb things I’ve done over the years. It was FAR from a comprehensive list. And of course, I’ve managed to add to the list since the post. This is me we’re talking about people. So here’s the most recent. Or not. Yesterday I mistakenly thought SPF 45 would keep me from getting sunburned. Nope. I look really embarrassed today AND I showed the guy at Hollywood Video the sunburn on my back.** ‘Cuz I’m classy like that.

Anyway on Saturday I was getting ready for church and wasn’t really “feeling” my overall appearance. Especially the midriff – or lack thereof – section. It was then I remembered I bought a pair of Assets a couple of weeks ago. The white trash Target version of Spanx. So I got all hot and sweaty forcing myself into donned my Assets and was kind of happy with the results.

Until I sat down in the car.

According to their false advertising, there won’t be any signs of your oh-let’s-just-call-it-what-it-is girdle. Nope. You could clearly see my Assets holding on for dear life by digging their self into my ample thigh flesh. Yeah, maybe if I had more muscles in my thighs, you wouldn’t see so much, but if I had rock hard thighs, would I really need these things? No amount of shifting or groping or pinching or prodding or pulling or shifting on my part could make the lines disappear. Great.

Then I stepped out of the car. My friends, when it’s 90+ degrees, do NOT wear your Assets with denim capris and two shirts. Don’t. do it. You will immediately want to wilt. I lumbered into church and made a vow to not sit down, no matter what. I was just teaching my class, so it shouldn’t be so hard, right? After 45 minutes of standing, I had to sit. Thankfully we were watching a movie in class so none of the kids could see me uncomfortably covering the line on my thighs.

When I got home all I could think of was getting those things off. Then Amber says, “Remember when you said we could go to the store and I could spend my money and I really want to go after dinner.”

AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I didn’t get the stupid things off for 2 more hours.

I don’t know if I’ll wear them again.

Who are we kidding. Of course I will.

**Don’t worry, I had on a spaghetti strap tank top so I only had to turn around for him to see my sunburn.***

***Crap. Wearing spaghetti strap tank tops in public definitely earns a spot on the dumb things list. And so it goes on and on and on and on . . . . . .

Leave a comment »

Blog Hop ’09

Well, since I can’t exactly make it to Chicago for BlogHer this year, I thought I’d join the Blog Hop ’09 instead.So here we go . . . . . my blog is named “What is it NOW” because I’ve been a mom for almost 14 years and I think it’s the phrase I’ve uttered the most. I’m pondering adding the tagline, “Mortifying my children one swimsuit at a time.” We’ll see.

I’m a stay at home mom who may, or may not, be turning 40 in 14 days. I’ve been married for 17 years, and homeschool our two kids – 13 year old son and 11 year old daughter.

It’s been a tough 18 months, but we’re plugging along. Despite my mom’s cancer, I try to find the good, ridiculous, and ugly in life and report on it. Oh, and let’s not forget the white trash blood we have coursing through our veins.

I’m looking forward to the fun!! OH YEAH! And I’m on Twitter . . . . . whatisitnow.

Leave a comment »

I am sick of blogging about myself.

Seriously sick. I’m thinking of taking my blog in a whole new direction . . . . . something that’s been on my heart a long time thanks to Jon at Stuff Christians Like. No, it’s not a humor blog like his. Goodness, I don’t hold a candle to that man!! So, give me some more time to pray and think.

And if you have the time, check out “Me, Myself and Lies” by Jennifer Rothschild. It’s a six week bible study that has been rockin’ my world this summer. Seriously chewing me up and spitting me out. And, quite frankly, the perfect way to welcome my 40’s . . . . which will be next month.

Leave a comment »


I know I’ve said it a million times before, but I really do love Portland, Oregon. Yes, I live across the Columbia river in Washington, but Portland has captured my heart. I mentioned awhile back that I had gotten a book called “Portland Hill Walks” by Laura O. Foster. IMAGINE my sheer delight when I found out she had recently published a second book, “Portland City Walks.” I got my hands on it VERY quickly!

The kids have been busy at church this week and Tyler had some days off, so we did our first city walk in the Nob Hill area of town. I knew I was going to love it because it included parts of “Trendy 23rd Avenue.” We started off things right by immediately going the wrong way. However, if we hadn’t have gone the wrong way we never would have seen this:

I have never been a fan of The Simpsons. Okay, maybe for 3 weeks in 1989, but that’s about it. Apparently one of the creators of the series, Matt Groening, graduated from Lincoln High School in 1972. And they’re happy about it.

Now for a required shot of PGE Park where the minor league Portland Beavers play baseball. This is probably the closest I will ever get to going to a game there.

Portland is known as being a very bike-friendly city. I guess these are little pods that keep the bikes from getting wet when it rains? Or from getting stolen? Not sure but they sure are cute.

This was the courtyard of Sister Mary of the Immaculate Conception. I wanted to bust out in “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?”

One of the streets she takes us down is flanked on both sides with Queen Anne style houses. Each one is adorable and kept up impeccably. I think there would be a lot of pressure if you lived on this street!!

And then there was this random mansion smack in the middle of the city:

I had to snap a picture of how the van matched the house:

Then there’s Congregation Beth Israel. The congregation has been around since 1850, and this building since 1928. It was too amazing for pictures!

Birdhouses in the healing garden of Good Samaritan Hospital:

Not even the historic houses can escape a nail salon:

Our last stop was Trinity Episcopal Cathedral. The entire building was almost enough to boggle the mind . . . it was so beautiful. But the best part were the doors. These doors were on at least three sides of the building and just spectacular. I think they would be the BEST place to do portraits.

Our first tour of Portland was great. This is easily my favorite part of Portland and the walk was perfectly planned. I hope you enjoyed my tour of this little corner of the city!

Leave a comment »

We Are White Trash Proud

Summer has been officially upon us for a couple of weeks. Glorious weather. The beginning of suntans. Mornings and evenings lounging on the porch swing. Kids spending hours outside. Dogs spending hours outside with the kids.

But not everything can be so idyllic. Something about this weather brings out our roots. Our white trash roots, that is.

Exhibit #1: My son tells me he needs shade. It was in the low 90’s and he was hot. I told him to change into some shorts. Nope. Loves his pants. We have roughly 5300 square feet of shaded woods in our back yard. That won’t work either. He decides to take matters into his own hands and made his own shade. I have no words.

My Alaskan friends will appreciate this . . . . . we’ve been down here 5 1/2 years and still have a blue tarp. You can take the kid out of Alaska, but you can’t take Alaska out of the kid. It’s white because I spray painted on it. Here are what every white trash kid needs to secure his shade:

A shovel.

A screwdriver. And as you’ll notice, most of my pictures have dogs in them. You’re not really white trash until your canine friends make appearances in most of your family pictures. But best of all is what the neighbors could see as they drove by:

Our white trash flag/blue tarp was flyin’ high that day.

Let’s move on to games WT children play. The first would be this:

All you need for this kind of fun is a cooler, water and ice. Then you somehow talk your sister and friend into putting their arms in the water and whoever can keep it in the longest wins. That’s it. Try not to see my WT mop that hasn’t been used in ages, WT frisbee with the middle missing, WT purple folding chair that is way too small for either kid, all the weeds I have not bothered to kill in our WT patio. And of course, a dog accosting a child.

Then there’s the WT water slide:

Yes, that’s a board at the end of the slide so the girls don’t get splinters in their rears. Tyler looked at it later that evening and there was a rusty nail sticking out one corner. Of course there was.

If you’re my buddy on FB, you saw my status surrounding this event:

Doesn’t he look like he’s loving life? Playing his electric guitar on the porch in the lovely weather? What I didn’t mention is that just before I took this picture, he had his feet in the cooler. Which was filled with water. And he’s playing his electric guitar. Yeah, there was screaming. I especially love the wet foot on the extension cord. I aged about 12 years that day.

Then there’s WT 4th of July – which is better than just about anywhere because most all fireworks are legal here.

At least we had the required bucket of water to put our spent fireworks in. And I think this year we only managed to land one fiery ball on our neighbor’s roof. What’s a WT Independence Day without a visit from the fire department?

Amber is showing signs of growing out of her WT ways. She didn’t like the fireworks and spent most of the evening with her fingers in her ears and hiding behind either me or her brother.

I’m sure it’s just a phase. You can’t outrun the levels of white trashiness we have been able to sow into our children.

I know because I’ve tried.

Leave a comment »

Last Day . . . . . .

Today is the last day of NaBloPoMo for June and I’m glad. It was fun for the first couple of weeks, then it got really hard. Then it was okay, but the last three days have been great. Why? Because I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know when I’ll be back on my blog, but maybe not for a few days!!

I was really going to post something profound here, but now I’m not. Adios!

Leave a comment »