The Misadventures of Cheri

Mortifying my kids one swimsuit at a time


I’ve been in Disneyland and then I came home sick.  Jumped feet first into this craziness I call my life and have been absent in the blogosphere.   I guess I don’t do sick very well.  Today is the first day I’ve actually had a happy thought enter my mind.  Anyhoo, here’s some randomness about the past week or so.

  1. Disneyland was a blast.  However, I recommend not going when you’re fighting a sinus infection (which will eventually win once you return home).  I didn’t have my neti pot (oh yes I have one and use it!), oil of oregano (nature’s antibiotic) or any decongestants.  Because I wasn’t FEELING sick when I left!!  Rollercoasters with nasal pressure is never a good thing.  But the Tower of Terror ended up not messing me up so I rode that a few times.
  2. I did manage to fight back the sinus infection beast once I got home with the above mentioned products.  Yay!  No trip to the doctor!
  3. One night at the hotel Amber asked Austin if she could have a piece of his paper so she could “do math equations.”
  4.  Seriously, is she even related to me?
  5. The TSA agents at LAX were not bad looking.  Not bad looking at all.
  6. However the men use so much hair gel that I think even the cast of Jersey Shore would say, “Hey, take it down a notch or two” after a couple of fist pumps.
  7. Speaking of Jersey Shore, there’s going to be a million Snooki’s running around this Halloween.  I want to dress up as the guy who beat her up and punch all of them.
  8. But I won’t.  I found a brand new set of scrubs (even with the little hat thingy) at Goodwill for $7.  That’s my costume.
  9. My kids are annoyed that I’m dressing up to go to Friday school and a party they’re having that Tyler and I are chaperoning.
  10. I don’t care.
  11. Austin will be 15 on Saturday.
  12. How did THAT happen?
  13. He can now get his driver’s permit.
  14. How did THAT happen?
  15. Of course I need to get him a book so he can study. 
  16. And I keep forgetting that tomorrow is Friday school.  I guess I should prepare the lessons for my classes.
  17. Don’t ever, ever, ever let me teach two science classes in one term. 
  18. Ever.
  19. The dogs have been barking like crazy the past couple days.  
  20. I’m ready to punch both of them.
  21. But I could never catch them.
  22. And they know it.
  23. I swear they smirk at me after all attempts have been made to grab them.
  24. I would never punch them.
  25. Because I can never catch them when I’m gripped in the chains of fury.
  26. Amber’s taking a cooking class at Friday school and she has to make dinner for us tonight!  Awwwww yeah!!!
  27. The entire cast of “The Sound of Music” is together for the first time ever on Oprah today.  Amber and I will be glued to the t.v.
  28. When she was itty bitty, she used to carry the VHS Sound of Music cover everywhere!!  She’d even take it to Austin’s basketball games. 
  29. People told me she was so sophisticated for a 4 year old.
  30. They never saw her wearing her winter hat and gloves year round, 24/7  in the house for months.  
  31. Four year old sophistication is a delicate thing.
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Bill Clinton, Part 2

I realize I didn’t update this post like I said I would. Oops.  I’ve been crazy busy getting ready for our trip to Disneyland.  In fact, I’m writing this somewhere between the moon and LAX.

Like I said, I truly felt God speaking to my heart.  Telling this raging Christian republican that I needed to learn to love Bill and Hilary Clinton.  In fact, I needed to love everyone who didn’t share my political viewpoint.  But I needed to start with those two.  I needed to maybe make “raging Christian” the most important part of my life.

I wondered how in the world I was going to love these people.  Could I will myself to do it?  Did I need to start chanting to myself of a daily basis?  Did I need to write affirmations on sticky notes and post them all over my house?  Did I need a “learnin’ to love” accountability partner?  How was I going to do this?

I asked God just how He wanted me to go about this (read: how are You going to get me out of this mess You put me in?).  He said I was right where I needed to be – praying.  Pray for Him to increase my love.  Pray for Him to not cringe whenever Bill Clinton’s name was mentioned.

And it worked.  No fancy formula.  No “Learn to Love a Democrat in Five Easy Steps.”  Just simple prayer.  God was faithful.  Now when I see Bill Clinton on t.v. I think, “Awww.”  Kind of like an old Democrat grandma.

I’m still a raging republican.  I still disagree with most democratic politics.  But I’m learning to love everyone.  I’m trying to live out the love that the apostle writes about in I John.

This may seem simplistic and trite, but God did a major work in my heart.  Life is too short to hate the wrong things. I hate sin.  I hate what Satan puts this world through on a daily basis.  But I don’t hate people.  God just won’t let me.

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Why I love Bill Clinton . . . and his wife!!

I thought I’d get your attention right away.  Sorry if you spit your beverage on your keyboard.

A few years ago I was in a women’s small group.  It was around the time the Dixie Chicks said they were ashamed to be from the same state as George Bush (or something of the sort) while they were on tour in Europe.  At my small group, we were talking about the subsequent death threats they received.  I can’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but a lady said, “Aren’t we supposed to love each other?”  I don’t know if she was talking about the Dixie Chicks or the people threatening them.

What I do know is that one little sentence changed my life.

Of course I’d heard about the love Christians are supposed to have all of my life.  I’d read it in my Bible 30,000 times.  But something about that one, simple sentence rocked me to the core.

And it got me to thinking about the people I didn’t love.  And if I’m being perfectly honest, the people I hated.  I know that in some Christian circles, it’s okay to rail against political people who are on the “other side” of your political views.  It’s okay to make fun of them, okay to slander and denigrate them, okay to pass on e-mails that seem really bad, but point out that your viewpoint was right all along.  Quite frankly, in some circles, it’s perfectly acceptable to hate . . . . as long as it’s for the right reason.

I still remember where I was standing, what I was doing and what I was looking at when these thoughts were rolling through my head.  Then God broke through and I heard him whisper, “You’ve got to learn to love Bill Clinton . . . . . and his wife.”

I kid you not.

{To be continued tomorrow . . . . . }



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How to scare your mother to death

This is how my son did it this afternoon:

1.  Have your mom buy you face paint at Partycity.

2. Go upstairs, with your mother, have her give you some of her makeup brushes.

3. Tell your mom you’re going to practice what you want to paint on your face for Halloween.

4. (This is the MOST important part of the plan) Make sure your mom goes downstairs, gets busy with laundry, dinner, watching a movie with your sister, and forgets about what you’re doing.

5. It also helps if your mom so completely forgets what you’re doing that she yells up, “We’re watching a movie if you want to come down!”

6. It really helps if your mom starts to wonder, “What is he doing up there?  Is he on his phone?”

7. Come downstairs looking like this:





8. The result?  Your mother will scream and have PG-13 language escape from her mouth.

9. You will laugh about this for the remainder of the evening.  And probably the remainder of your life.


All My Life III

Rabbits on meth.

Oranges growing on the snow cap.

They pale in comparison to the last of my “All My Life” installments.

I’ve taken my time posting this one because . . . well . . .you’ll see.

My husband can’t believe I’m admitting this publicly.

So here goes.  One sentence.  Just rip it off all at once like a Band-Aid.

Okay.  Maybe two sentences.

Oooh!  I just figured out how to condense it into one sentence.

So here goes.

Until my junior year in high school, I thought if I tried hard enough, I could milk my cat.

This confession does not make me feel better.

At all.

Confession was not good for the soul this time.

At all.

And, as usual, I found out the truth in the most embarrassing way.  I had to open my mouth in front of my pastor’s wife.  Who laughed and wheezed and managed to squeak out, “I’m just imagining the little bottle you’d put the milk in.  And how tiny it would be in the refrigerator.

Of course my family still laughs about it and reminds me at least once a year.

Fast forward a decade or so and I see this scene in “Meet the Parents.”


At least I knew at least one person out there might have struggled with the same ideas.

It gave me about an ounce of comfort.

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While you were out . . . .

A few days back, Tyler was at work and Austin and I were gone.  Amber was home alone and she snapped these pictures for me.  Without further adieu, I present my idiot beagle . . . . . .

Hey, Amber!!  You and I are just going to pretend like this is everyday, normal behavior, capiche?  I like to lay on the school table, therefore I will lay on the school table.

Oh?  You want me to get off?  Well ha ha ha hee hee hee ha ha ha!  I never listen to you.  You’re even less threatening that than waste of breath chihuahua.

What?  Why, yes, I have lost some weight.  No!  I’m not sucking it in.  I’ve been working very hard on my figure.

Alright, so you caught me.  Maybe I was sucking in just a little bit.

Please don’t tell Mom I was up here.  Please!!  I’m already on thin ice after the whole “undigging a stuffed animal from the backyard and chewing on it on her bed” bad idea.  And PLEASE don’t tell the chihuahua you caught me sucking it in.

Fine, I’ll get down.  But that’s only because I hear the garage door opening and I know Mom’s home.  She will flip her lid if she ever finds out I was on here.  I can trust you to keep a secret, right?

Hi Mom!  Here I am.  On the back of the couch . . . . a place you can somewhat stand me being.   And I was here the whole time you were gone.